"Eggtown"

Season 4, Episode 4


Locke: I made you eggs. What do I do next?
Ben: How ’bout bacon?
Locke: To protect the island, smart ass.
Ben: Yo’ momma!
Locke: No. Yo’ momma.
Ben: Never thought of it that way. Touché.

Sawyer: Move in with me.
Kate: No.
Sawyer: What if you’re pregnant?
Kate: Leave.
Sawyer: Dang, she’s cranky today. Please be PMS, please be PMS, please be PMS…

Judge: Kate Austen, you’re accused of making trouble. How do you plead?
Kate: Not guilty.
Prosecutor: Don’t let her out on bail.
Kate: But I’d never run away!
Judge: Remanded to custody.
Kate: No wait. I’ll do anything! I’ll make puppy dog eyes! I’ll pout!

Lawyer: Your own mother’s going to testify against you. Take a plea bargain.
Kate: No.
Lawyer: Then we have to make this about what a great person you are.
Kate: You’re not exploiting my baby!
Lawyer: But he’s so cute, with his eyes and his little nose and his ears that stick out oh my God make it stop I can’t even take it!!!

Jin: We should move to Albuquerque or New York.
Sun: You narrowed it down to New York and Albuquerque?! Seriously, you’re just pointing at random places, right?
Jack: Hi, we’re back. Recap: this is Charlotte and Daniel, Sayid and Desmond are headed to the boat, Kate’s with Locke, we’ll all be rescued soon. Okay?! Can we just get on with this week’s episode now? Thank you!

Kate: Can I speak to Miles?
Locke: No.
Kate: What is this, a dictatorship?
Locke: ’Course not. If it were a dictatorship I’d have you tarred, feathered, scalded, beaten, shot, stabbed, stretched on the rack, exsanguinated, eviscerated, defenestrated, drawn and quartered, and then I’d hack what was left into itty bitty pieces with my nine hundred knives while gaily singing show tunes and laughing maniacally. Dinner’s at six, hope you’re hungry!

Kate: Hey Hurley. Your shoe’s untied!
Hurley: Miles is in the boathouse. Crap! Nobody’s that gullible!

Kate: What do you know about me?
Miles: That you’ll get me a minute alone with Ben to find out what else I know about you!

Lawyer: I call Dr. Jack Shepherd to the stand.
Jack: Only six of us survived the crash. Kate saved us all. She’s a big hero. I always believed she was innocent.
Prosecutor: Did you fall in love with her?
Jack: What, are you crazy? Of course I did! But I’m not any more.

Naomi’s Phone: Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again.
Jack: I’m sure Sayid’s fine.
Sun: Then why did Kate stay with Locke?
Jack: I dunno. He must give back rubs or something.

Kate: How you been?
Sawyer: Good. Wine?
Kate: Sure. Well, ’nuf small talk. Help me break out Ben!

Kate’s Mom: I’m dying and I want to make up. I won’t testify if I can just see my grandson.
Kate: No deal. Prove you love me and you can live in hope that I’ll relent someday.

Sawyer: Backgammon?
Locke: Sure. Everyone knows I’m easily distracted by games!
Sawyer: Kate’s being wack.
Locke: Crap! Miles is unguarded! If we run we may get to the boathouse in time to leave Ben unguarded too!

Kate: Miles, meet Ben. You have one minute, talk.
Miles: I’ll tell my employers you’re dead for 3.2 million bucks. You have two days.
Ben: Dude! I’m tied up in a crazy man’s basement on a remote tropical island! How am I gonna get you that kind of money in two days?
Miles: A week?
Ben: No problem.

Kate: Okay, what do you know?
Miles: You’re wanted for murder, theft, arson, assault with a deadly weapon and kicking a puppy.
Kate: I would never kick a puppy!

Locke: What did Miles and Ben talk about?
Kate: Miles asked for a bribe.
Locke: Interesting. You’re banished.
Kate: You’re making me leave?!
Locke: Or we could do that other thing we talked about…
Kate: I’m gone.

Prosecutor: Our star witness isn’t here.
Judge: I’m sorry, counsel, but you watched A Few Good Men in law school. You’ll just have to deal.

Lawyer: Your case has fallen apart.
Prosecutor: Fine, ten years parole and she can’t leave the state.
Kate: I’ll take it! I just want to raise my son in peace.
Lawyer: They were eating out of my hand! You’d’ve gotten a new car and a shopping spree if you’d held out a little longer!

Daniel: Let me see now... A muffin, a baseball and a red wagon. How'd I do?
Carlotte: Pretty crappy. You were supposed to be remembering playing cards...
Daniel: I'm kinda forgetful.
Charlotte: Maybe I should tell the boat where to shoot rockets from now on…
Daniel: What boat?
Jack: There another phone number we can call?
Charlotte: Yeah.
Regina (over phone): They’re not back yet.
Jack: You’ve lost a helicopter three times? Ever think of making your pilots wear glasses?

Locke: Talk!
Miles: No.
Locke: Oh, you’ll talk… once I put a grenade in your mouth!
Miles: Actually, that makes me want to talk even less!

Sawyer: Why won’t you have sex with me? I already knocked you up!
Kate: I’m not pregnant.
Sawyer: Yes! Yes! Oh, thank you! Thank you, Jay-sus!
Kate: Pig. I’m going back to Jack’s team.
Sawyer: Okay, see you tonight when you decide to switch sides again! I’ll leave dinner in the fridge.

Jack: Congratulations on being free. I lied, I still love you. Go out with me.
Kate: Come over and see us now.
Jack: I’m really, really uncomfortable with that idea.
Kate: Jeez, NOBODY will date a single mother!

Kate: It’s good to be home. I missed you so much… AARON!
Aaron: You think that’s a shock? Next week you’ll find out I’m killing people for Ben!

“The Economist”

Season 4, Episode 3


Sayid: Rest in peace, Naomi. Nice bracelet! And, hey, it’s engraved.
Bracelet: N, Big Brother is watching you. R.G.
Sayid: R.G. sounds sinister and evil but he sure knows how to accessorize!
Miles: We have to rescue Charlotte from Locke.
Sayid: What do I get if I can get her back?
Frank: How about an all expenses paid trip to a beautiful tropical island?
Sayid: I’ll take what’s behind door number two.

Sayid: This week we’ll be seeing a gentler, easy-going Sayid. I’ll start with some golf.
Avellino: I’d use a 5-iron for this shot.
Sayid: I was thinking more of a 9-millimeter.
Gun: Bang.
Avellino: *death rattle*
Sayid: Oops. Guess gentle and easy-going just wasn’t me!

Sayid: Hello, totally random German chick. How do I get to some tourist place?
Elsa: That way. By the way, I have a mysterious boss who jets into town twice a year.
Sayid: How totally coincidental that we met! Wanna date?

Mysterious Voice (over phone): You know you want to say it.
Sayid: Okay. “I've made contact.” You're right, that was pretty satisfying.
Mysterious Voice: It's a cliché for a reason!

Sawyer: Okay, so we can’t kill Ben, I get it. Can I at least cut off a toe?
Locke: No.
Sawyer: Come on! Just his little toe?
Locke: No. Huh. This clearing seems emptier than the last time.
Hurley: Maybe you got lost. Just as long as we’re clear I have no idea where the cabin really is.

Jack: I’ll help you talk some sense into Locke.
Sayid: Last time you talked sense to Locke you tried to blow his head off.
Jack: What’s your point?

Jack: Sayid’s going on a dangerous mission and insisting I stay behind!
Kate: Now you know how I felt all through season three.
Jack: And you just went anyway! Do I have to spell it out for you?
Kate: Well, okay. I’ll get my pack.

Elsa: Screw work. Let’s go to the opera without my creepy boss’s pager.
Sayid: I’ll bring it.
Elsa: It’s so nice to meet a man who respects my career!

Miles: Great! Hiked all the way to the Barracks and there’s no sign of them.
Kate: Is somebody in the closet?
Sayid: My money’s on Sawyer. He’s over-compensating.
Kate: No, that closet.
Sayid: Oh.
Hurley: Hey dudes, Locke left me behind but conveniently mentioned he’s going to Ben’s.
Kate: That really is convenient, thanks Hurley!
Hurley: So, Miles, you here to kill us all or what?
Miles: Not unless you make me mad.
Hurley: Swell!

Desmond: Be straight with me. You’ve never seen the woman in this photo have you?
Frank: You think a stud like me can remember every chick?
Daniel (into radio): I’ve set up the homing device. Fire the drone.
Regina (over radio): 15 seconds… 10 seconds… 5 seconds… It’s there.
Daniel: Um… No, it’s not.
Jack: That was pointless. Exactly the kind of scene we can’t afford with the shortened season. Get it together, man.
Daniel: Sorry.

Kate: Looks like nobody’s in Ben’s house!
Sayid: Split up. Hey, what’s this… A secret room in Ben’s bedroom. Gay porn, leather and dildos? Oh, thank God, just passports and money.
Locke: Freeze!
Hurley: Sorry.
Sayid: Hurley, you traitor, I can’t believe you played me! … Nicely done!

Daniel: Check it out. The drone’s finally here.
Jack: The clocks don’t match.
Daniel: Stupid Chinese electronics! Next sinister mission we’re going Swiss!

Sawyer: I don’t want to get rescued! What do you have to go back for?
Kate: What do you have to stay for?
Sawyer: I thought we’d get married, have kids, a dog, picket fence, maybe a mini-van…
Kate: Excuse me while I puke.

Sayid: Great, I’m locked up with Ben.
Ben: Yo’ momma!
Sayid: Get a new joke.
Locke: Ice tea, anybody?
Sayid: The boat people are up to something. Give me Charlotte and I’ll find out what.
Locke: I’d trade her for a starting pitcher or a good short stop.
Sayid: I was thinking Miles and Kate.
Locke: Sold.

Pager: Beep, beep.
Elsa: Hello? Okay, boss, I’ll meet you there in half an hour. Bye.
Sayid: Elsa, run away! I was just using you to get to your boss, but I’ve fallen in love with you.
Elsa: Aw, that’s sweet. What is this, the Valentine’s Day episode?
Elsa’s Gun: Bang.
Sayid: Ahh!
Elsa: Hello? Boss, a guy’s after you. Scrub the meeting, I’ll question him.
Sayid’s Gun: Bang bang bang!
Elsa: Ahh! *death rattle*
Sayid: Oh God, what have I done! Hey, same weird bracelet as Naomi. Guess even evil people aren’t immune to fads.

Sayid: Okay, I got Charlotte. Let’s go!
Frank: You traded Miles to get her?! Did you really think I’d fly you to the boat just because I technically promised.
Sayid: I guess it was a pretty stupid plan…
Frank: I’m just messing with you. I hate that guy. Hop in, I’ll drive.
Desmond: Shotgun!
Sayid: You coming, Jack?
Jack: Nah, take Naomi’s body. You got this one. For some reason I completely trust you with this even though I logically should know you lied about Kate deciding to stay with Locke since she only went with you because I sent her.
Sayid: Wow, this plan worked against mind-boggling odds. Well, bye.

Mysterious Voice: Hi Sayid. Welcome to my veterinary clinic. After we take care of that bullet, you want me to check for worms, shampoo for fleas, anything like that?
Sayid: No thanks… Ben!
Ben: *Gasp* !
Sayid: Why’d you gasp?
Ben: It was revealed so dramatically even I was shocked!
Sayid: I can’t keep killing them. They know I’m after them.
Ben: GOOD.
Sayid: …why?
Ben: How should I know? I guess it’s just cooler now.
Sayid: But they know I’m coming!
Ben: You’re right, that is bad. Bad ASS!
Sayid: Just shut up. The episode’s over.
Ben: Yo’ momma.

“Confirmed Dead”

Season 4, Episode 2


Diver #1 (sings): I like to be under the sea, in an octopus’s garden in the shade…
Diver #2: Dude, what did I tell you about that?
Diver #1: It’s annoying?
Diver #2: Then shut up!
Diver #1: Whoa, a plane! Based on no hard evidence whatsoever, it must be Oceanic 815!

Frank: The chopper’s going down! Bail out!
Daniel: Ahhhh! Please don’t die, please don’t die! Whew, made it!
Jack: Hi.
Daniel: You Jack?
Jack: Yep. I don’t wanna be critical but you people suck at flying helicopters!

Daniel: Hi I’m Daniel Faraday I’m from the boat we’re here to rescue you and I need Naomi’s phone to find my friends oh you noticed my gun well I admit it saving you’s not the main reason we’re here why are you interrogating me like this?!?!?!
Jack: Ummm… Here’s the phone?

TV News: Everyone on Oceanic 815 is dead.
Daniel: *Sob* Oh God, no! *sob*
Daniel’s Wife: Cry baby.

Sayid: Why does Ben say the boat people want to kill us?
Juliet: He’s either messing with us or it’s true. Either way, guns should solve the problem.

Jack: Hey, are you all right?
Miles: Freeze! Naomi doesn’t have a sister. You must have killed her.
Kate: We didn’t, it was Locke.
Miles: Take me to her body, I’ll know the truth.
Kate: What are you, psychic or something? On second thought, forget I asked…

Radio DJ: So, those airplane passengers? They’re dead!
Miles: Hi, I’m here about the exorcism. A hundred bucks cash, please.
Woman: I’ll get my wallet. (Sings to self) When there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?
Miles: Ghostbusters joke. How original. Just for that, it’s TWO hundred bucks!

Miles: Tell me where the money is so your mom can have some peace.
Ghost: Over there.
Miles (pockets cash): Psyche! There’s a sucker killed every minute!

Miles: They’re telling the truth.
Kate: So you really are psychic, huh? Like in Medium? Or more like Tru Calling? Or is it more like The Dead Zone? Or is it more like… Gee, you’re a giant TV cliché, aren’t ya?
Daniel: Charlotte’s signal! Let’s find her.
Jack: Nah. I’d rather turn the tables on you like a total badass.
Sayid & Juliet: Freeze!
Kate: I feel strange.
Jack: You’re feeling a sudden urge to jump my bones. Wait till we’re rescued, please.

Locke: Detour! We gotta stop by the cabin.
Hurley: Cabin’s that way.
Locke & Ben: What?!
Hurley: I mean… I thought you meant the airplane cabin. Actually, did you say cabin? I thought you said beach. And the beach isn’t even that way.
Sawyer: Locke, who tells you to do this stuff?
Locke: He looks kinda like Walt, but he’s seven feet tall and shaves.

Ben: Hey Sawyer! Yo’ momma!
Sawyer: Don’t! Talk! About! My! Momma!
Ben: Ow! Ouch! Oof! Ahh! Eee!
Locke: Stop it, Sawyer.
Sawyer: We should kill him.
Ben: Hey Karl! Yo’ momma!
Locke: Don’t even think about it, Karl.

Charlotte: Why is there a lake on the ceiling? Oh. Crap. Where’s that knife?

Newspaper: Tous les passengers d’Oceanic 815 sont morts !
Tunisian: Sorry, access to this dig site is restricted. We take bribes in check, money order and all major credit cards.
Charlotte’s Guide: Is that a dinosaur?
Charlotte: Nope, just your garden variety teleporting Dharma polar bear!

Charlotte: This phone will help the boat find you.
Locke: Then I’ll tie it to Vincent.
Hurley: Does this mean Vincent’s gonna be one of the Oceanic Six?

Ben: Hey Charlotte! Yo’ momma! I mean, die!
Gun: Bang, bang, bang.
Locke: You murdered an innocent woman!
Ben: Ow, ouch, ahh! Pot calling the kettle black, much?
Karl: Sorry I let him take my gun.
Sawyer: Don’t worry about it. You’re kinda the new Charlie.
Charlotte: I’m okay!
Hurley: Why’re you wearing a bullet proof vest?
Charlotte: You've seen the way we fly helicopters. Tip of the iceberg. I need all the protection I can get.

Frank: Wow, my best landing yet! I can almost stand. Must’a hit my head, though, ’cause I think I see a cow.
Cow: Moo.

TV News: Hey mon! Everybody on Oceanic 815 be dead!
Operator: Oceanic hotline.
Frank: Hi, I was supposed to pilot 815. That body on the news isn’t the Pilot ’cause he isn’t wearing a wedding ring!
Operator: He probably ditched it to get in the flight attendant’s pants.

Miles: Where’s the wreck?
Frank: I set down in one piece.
Jack: In that case, forget all the gun pointing and give us a ride, would ya? Huh? Buddy? Pal?

Naomi: A lunatic, a psychic, a scientist, a drunk pilot and me. Weird group!
Abaddon: I was gonna try to sell you guys to ABC as a sit-com before the writers’ strike happened. Now I’ll have to send you to some island.
Naomi: They won’t cut it.
Abaddon: You’re the linchpin. So be sure not to get stabbed by a knife-wielding survivor of 815.
Naomi: There are survivors?
Abaddon: No.
Naomi: Then that should be easy!

Frank: Thanks for fixing my head, Miss—?
Juliet: Juliet Burke.
Frank: I read the manifest a thousand times in a guilty, drunken stupor. She’s not on it.
Miles: Your memory sounds reliable. Okay, lady, where’s Ben Linus?

Locke: Sawyer, you’re right. We’ll kill Ben.
Ben: I know things.
Locke: The monster?
Ben: No clue. But this lady’s name is Charlotte Lewis, she was born on a Tuesday, her first pet was a goldfish named Jaws, and she lost her virginity to a hobo!
Locke: How do you know all that?
Ben: I’ve got a man on her boat. Handsome black guy. Good at building things. Super dedicated dad. But, heck, we’ll get to all that next week!

5ML Rerun: "Pilot, Part 1"

Season 1, Episode 1


Jack: Huh. Flat on my back, dazed, injured, surrounded by bamboo, pockets full of airplane liquor and a dog's staring at me. That’s the last time I go drinking with my dad.
Vincent: Hi, I realize you don’t speak Dog but I’ve figured out all the island’s secrets!
Jack: Maybe there’s somebody else over there.
Vincent: So long, then. Oh well, seems like a smart guy. He’ll probably have it figured out in half the time!

Jack: Okay, guys. We survived a plane crash. Next to that, standing on a beach should be pretty safe.
Charlie: I'm going to stroll through a shower of flaming debris.
Hurley & Claire: We're going to sit under a collapsing wing.
Random Passenger: I'm going to stand in front of the engine. Ahhhh! *splat*
Boone: All I did was collect seventy-five pens. I'm the smart one!

Jack: Help me stitch up this gruesome gash.
Kate: I can't!
Jack: When I'm paralyzed with fear, I count to five.
Kate: Whatever works best for you, I guess. Personally, I kill people.

Cindy: How was your drink?
Jack: Weak. If I flirt with you to get more booze, does it make me a slut?
Rose: I'm scared of turbulence.
Jack: I'll take care of you until Bernard gets back from the bathroom. Not like he’ll be gone for a month, or something.
Pilot: This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and return your tray tables to the upright and locked position, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!

Kate: How’s Javert doing?
Jack: What did you call him?
Kate: Nothing. How’s he doing?
Jack: If I pull the shrapnel out of his side, he'll bleed to death. If I leave it in, he'll die of gangrene.
Kate: So, basically, he needs to start counting to five.
Jack: Pretty much.

Monster in Forest: Fee Fi Fo Fum!
Kate: Sounds scary!
Charlie: Sounds like a T-Rex had kids with a teletype machine!

Kate: There’s smoke down there, through the valley.
Jack: If it’s the cockpit, we can find the transmitter doohickey and call for help!
Kate: I’m coming with you!
Jack: Just give me a sec. I want to savor this moment.
Kate: Why?
Jack: It’s the first totally pointless thing we’ll do to try to get rescued.
Charlie: I’ll come with you guys! I make everything more pointless!

Charlie: I was in a band called Drive Shaft.
Kate: I’ve vaguely heard of you!
Charlie: Yeah, I played bass and sang back-up vocals.
Kate: In that case, I may have vaguely heard of you!

Kate: Great! We climbed up this whole plane full of corpses and the cockpit door is locked!
Jack: It’s a well established fact that you can break open a door with a fire extinguisher. Even if there’s no doorknob and it’s a little, tiny fire extinguisher.

Kate: What were you doing in the bathroom?
Charlie: What do you mean?
Kate: I mean, what were you doing?
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Kate: My question makes perfect sense!
Charlie: Um… No hablo inglés?

Pilot: When we crashed we were, like, a billion miles off course. But we have this radio gizmo.
Monster: Fee fi fo fum…
Pilot: Better let me check that out!
Kate: That’s not such a good idea.
Pilot: They can’t kill me off. The episode’s named after me.
Charlie: I hate to tell you this but all first episodes are called—
Pilot: AHHHHHH!
Charlie: Never mind.

Jack: I got the thingamajig. Run away!
Charlie: I tripped!
Jack: I’ll save you!
Kate: I’m really freaking out here! Maybe I should kill someone. Crap, I’m alone! Guess Jack’s thing’s worth a shot. One… two… three…

Charlie: Jack saved me.
Kate: Where is he?
Charlie: Darn it, we have to go back, don’t we?
Jack: Here I am! I escaped by hiding in the bushes! In, you know, a manly way!
Charlie: What’s that in the tree?
Jack: The pilot.
Pilot: I’m really, really, really, really dead. No, I mean REALLY dead. Take a minute to appreciate how screwed you guys are!

"The Beginning of the End"

Season 4, Episode 1


Hurley: (on walkie talkie) Hey, Jack? What’s going on?
Jack: Didn’t you watch the season finale?
Hurley: Nope.
Jack: Didn’t you watch the recap?
Hurley: Nope.
Jack: Didn’t you watch the hour long special before this episode?
Hurley: Nope.
Jack: Well, we’re being rescued!
Hurley: HURRAY!
Jack: I know! What could possibly go wrong?

Jack: Ah, orange juice and vodka, the perfect breakfast. Wonder what’s on the tube? Ooh, high speed chase… Nice Camero… Aw, crap!

Police: Freeze!
Hurley: Don’t you know who I am?!
Police: I know that every time we pull over somebody from your show they lose their job, so shut up!

Desmond: It’s not Penny’s boat, and Charlie’s dead.
Hurley: Bummer.

Guy on Boat: Let me talk to Naomi.
Jack: She’s… getting firewood?
Guy on Boat: Oh, that sounds plausible.

Cop: Wanna hear something crazy? My partner was on the plane with you. Ana Lucia. Ever heard of her?
Hurley: Shortish Hispanic chick?
Cop: Yep.
Hurley: Permanent pissed off pouty face?
Cop: Yep.
Hurley: Homicidal maniac?
Cop: Yep.
Hurley: Sorry, never heard of her.

Jack: We need to find Naomi. She clearly went this way.
Kate: No, she went this way.
Jack: Aw, it’s cute how we fight. Gimme a hug.
Kate (steals radio): Yoink!
Jack: What did you say?
Kate: Nothing. Have fun!

Kate: Wow, Naomi, that was pretty amazing how you jumped out of the tree and kicked my ass with a fatal stab wound. Oh, your boat called for you.
Guy on Boat: Hello?
Naomi: I’m dying but it was, you know, an accident.
Guy on Boat: Why’d they say you were getting wood?
Naomi: I don’t know, they must be perverts. Tell my sister I love her. How’s that for ominous foreshadowing? Ack! *Death rattle*
Kate: Crap, she’s dead again. Why’d she have to come back to life in the first place?
Naomi: ’Cause I didn’t have much of a death scene last episode. Ack! *Death rattle*

Hurley: Ah, the mental hospital. Home sweet home.
Abaddon: Hello, I’m a not even slightly creepy lawyer from Oceanic. We’re going to upgrade you from business class to a five-star insane asylum. Are they still alive? ARE THEY STILL ALIVE?!?!?!?!?
Hurley: He’s out to get me, he’s out to get me!
Orderly: Of course he is. He’s a lawyer, dude.

Sawyer: Are you sure you can keep up, Hurley?
Hurley: Yeah, of course I… Hey, where’d you go?
Voices: whisperwhisperwhisper
Hurley: Hey, a cabin! That guy in the rocking chair kinda looks like Jack. Or maybe Claire. Crap, they saw me, run! Hey, the cabin’s over here now. No, now it’s over here.
Locke: Hi.
Hurley: Oh, thank God! By the way, Charlie’s dead.
Locke: Bummer.

Sawyer: Hey, look, it’s the cockpit. Where has this been for the last three years?
Sayid: What do you mean? We come here all the time.
Hurley: Hey Claire. Charlie’s *sob* dead!
Claire: Bum—
Charlie (drowning): INTERRUPTED BY GRATUITOUS FLASHBACK OF ME DYING AGAIN!!!! They’re going to play this clip every single week till the end of the show! Hello DVD residuals!

Mental Patient: Hey, you have a visitor!
Hurley: Oh, I like visits! Holy crap it’s Charlie!!!
Charlie: Hugo Reyes, in life I was your partner, Charlie Pace. The chain I wear I forged in life. Your chain was as long two years past. You have labored on it since.
Hurley: Spirit, is there any way I can escape this terrible fate?
Charlie: They need you, Hurley.
Hurley: Let them die and decrease the surplus population!

Locke: Hey guys. We shouldn’t contact the boat!
Sayid: Good idea, ’cause you never try to do anything that will stop us from getting rescued!
Locke: I never do anything that’s not in the best interest of the group!
Hurley: Dude, do you even watch this show?

Locke: You’re not going to shoot me, Jack.
Gun: *Click*
Locke: You f&#@ing psycho, that could’a been loaded!

Locke: Clearly we can’t agree on whether we should call the boat or not. Let’s choose teams. Captain!
Jack: Captain!
Locke: Okay, I choose Sawyer.
Jack: I choose Kate.
Hurley: Jack, you never choose me first! Just for that, I’m going with Locke! To the barracks!

Jack: Hey, Hurley! Wanna play Horse?
Hurley: Sure.
Jack: Dang, you’re really good! I wish I hadn’t chosen you last all the time!
Hurley: Dude, about that thing with Locke—
Jack: Forget it.
Hurley: Jack, I’m tired of lying! We have to go back!!!
Jack: Stop stealing my lines.

Jack: This cockpit reminds me of that one time we did something with Charlie. Remember that?
Kate: Not really.
Jack: Hey, a helicopter!
Parachutist: My appearance is the shocking and foreboding end of the episode! So, are you Jack, or what?