“The Other Woman”

Season 4, Episode 6


Harper: Hi, I’m Harper, I’ll be your head shrinker today.
Juliet: Everybody on this island wigs me out. What’s that about?
Harper: Mostly about everybody being creepy. I’ll prescribe you something for that.
Tom: ’Scuse me, Harper, but Ben wants to see Juliet.
Ben: I got you a house with a stocked fridge, opera CDs, a hot tub and a heart-shaped bed with red silk sheets.
Juliet: Definitely getting the wiggins again. Maybe Harper will up my dose…

Jack: Where’s Daniel and Charlotte?
Jin: They snuck into the woods.
Jack: Why didn’t you tell me?!
Jin: You said they’re our friends.
Jack: That’s no excuse! Even your friends want to kill you half the time around here! What’s wrong with you?!

Harper: Hi Juliet. It’s nice to see you, you man-stealing tart!
Juliet: Nice to see you too, you insane, castrating harpy! Let’s hug!
Harper: No time! The boat people are going to the Tempest station to gas everybody. Ben wants you to kill them.
Juliet: How’d Ben find out what’s happening? How’d he get word to you? How’d you get here so quick? Why’d he want me to do it? If it’s so important, why not do it yourself?
Harper: Your logic’s useless against my ability to vanish into thin air! *Poof*

Goodwin: Hi, I’m Goodwin. You might remember me from such episodes as “The Other 48 Days.”
Juliet: Doesn’t ring a bell. You’re cute, though… I like you more than that stupid, no good, prying bee-eye-tee-see-eych, Harper.
Goodwin: She’s my wife.
Juliet: Oh.
Goodwin: It’s kinda hot that you can open your mouth wide enough to put your whole foot inside!

Kate: Hey guys!
Daniel: How’s Miles?
Kate: He’s fine, as long as his jaw doesn’t get tired… And the good news is he’s only conspiring to kill one of you! What’s up with you guys?
Charlotte: Our radio’s dead.
Kate: Funny how its power light’s still on. Can I look in your bag?
Charlotte: As long as you kneel down with you back to me.
Kate: Thanks, you’re a doll. What’s with the gas masks? Ow!
Daniel: She walked right into that.
Charlotte: Probably shouldn’t’ve bothered. If she fell for that, she’s clearly too stupid to realize we’re up to something.

Claire: Hi Locke. I’m less intimidating than you. Can I talk to Miles?
Locke: Sure but I doubt he’ll feel like saying much.

Ben: Are your people getting uppity yet?
Locke: Grumble, grumble.
Ben: If you let me have a house, I’ll help you.
Locke: Why should I?
Ben: I dunno. Jack let Daniel and Charlotte run off, Juliet’s decided to follow my orders and Kate left herself wide open for a sucker punch. I thought you might be acting like a blithering idiot too.
Locke: Well, shucks, I guess we could give it a try. Last time we teamed up you only shot me once…
Ben: What? Really?! Sweet!

Ben: Here’s a video of the guy who owns the boat. Charles Widmore.
Locke: Good to know.
Ben: Now you’d better sit down. I’m about to reveal the identity of my spy on the boat.
Locke: Oh, you mean Michael?

Goodwin: Hi Juliet. Want a sandwich?
Ben: A sandwich. Right. Jeez, you’re obvious.

Harper: You stole my man, you pouty, glassy-eyed little slut!
Juliet: Not my problem you don’t know how to please him, you old hag!
Other Others: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

Jack: Kate, are you all right?
Kate: I’d say Charlotte knocked me senseless but I think it actually might have helped.
Juliet: *Poof*
Jack: Where’d Juliet go?
Kate: You took your eyes off her? Dang, you’re stupid. Maybe you could use a blow to the head too.

Juliet: I don’t think we should let Ben know about our affair.
Goodwin: What’s he gonna do?
Ben: Goodwin, go infiltrate the tail section.
Goodwin: Man, that’s cold. Well, I’ll only be away a few days…

Kate: Juliet went this way. Charlotte and Daniel were a half hour ahead of her.
Jack: Okay, time out. How can you possibly tell from their tracks that they were a half hour ahead?
Kate: We’re just assuming the audience is a stupid as us this week.

Ben: I’ve got a surprise for you.
Juliet: What’s that?
Ben: Your boyfriend impaled on a stake! Muahahahaha!
Juliet: That’s… That’s… What kind of sicko surprise is that? Why’d you do that?
Ben: Because, YOU’RE MINE!
Juliet: Holy crap, dude. Maybe you need a teeny tiny time out. I mean, whoa!

Juliet: Finally, the Tempest! Sneak, sneak, sneak. Freeze, Daniel!
Daniel: Ben’s trying to gas the whole island. You’ve gotta let us finish.
Juliet: I’ve got no reason to trust you and every reason to trust Ben. Hey, wait a second! It’s the other way around. I hate him. I’ve ALREADY betrayed him. Why’d I even come here?
Charlotte: Judo chop!
Juliet: Don’t even try it.

Kate: Freeze!
Juliet: They just saved us.
Jack: Good enough for me.
Kate: I wanna see for myself.
Charlotte: Then come in here alone with us and we’ll show you. After you!
Kate: Duh. Okay!
Juliet: They’re fighting Ben. He’s kinda possessive and when he wins you don’t want to be anywhere near me!
Jack: Then why the heck have you been throwing yourself at me, woman?!

Sawyer: I can’t believe you beat me at horse shoes!
Hurley: I rule at all games. Yet I’m fat. So many layers!
Ben: I’ll play winner.
Sawyer: Okay. WhaitaminutewhattheHECK?!?!?

“The Constant”

Season 4, Episode 5


Frank: You guys read the small print on your helicopter tickets, right?
Sayid: “Possible side effects of leaving the island include mild inflammation, itching, nausa, decreased ability to fight infection, ominous nosebleeds, dementia and death.”
Desmond: They just put that so they don’t get sued. Hey, I think you’re one degree off Daniel’s course.
Frank: Whoops.
Desmond: Huh. My brain feels tingly…

Drill Sergeant: Does anyone have anything they’d rather be doing than marching up and down the square?!
Desmond: Actually, sir, I have a helicopter hallucination I’d like to get back to…
Drill Sergeant: Who do you think I am, the drill sergeant from Monty Python?
Desmond: Only when I have my eyes open and when you talk, sir.
Drill Sergeant: Drop and give me fifty, you maggot!

Frank: We’re here.
Desmond: Who are all you?!
Sayid: I’m the show’s token Arab and these are some people you’ve never met.
Desmond: What am I doing here, I was just in the army!
Sayid: I see you’re the token lunatic this week.

Doctor: Welcome to sickbay. I’m your doctor, you’ll be perfectly safe with me.
Desmond: Can I get a second opinion on that?
Minkowski: I’m going through the same thing.
Desmond: Thank God! At least the strapped down crazy guy with the bulging eyes understands me!

Jack: It’s been a day and the helicopter hasn’t reached the boat.
Daniel: Have you set your clocks for Daylight Savings?

Frank: I’ll trade you my walkie talkie for your gun.
Sayid: Throw in a Nolan Ryan rookie card and you got a deal.
Daniel (over phone): Hello?
Sayid: Flying out made Desmond more batty than usual.
Daniel: Let me talk to him! Batty is my specialty!

Soldier: Thanks for the twenty mile run in the rain, Hume. I got struck by lightning five times!
Desmond (into phone): Penny, something weird’s happening, I have to see you.
Penny (over phone): I’m moving, I hate you, I hope you die!
Desmond: So when can I drop by?

Desmond: Penny? Aaaannd… I’m in the future again.
Sayid: Don’t worry, I’m here to save you. I’ll lock them out.
Daniel (over phone): Hey, man. What's the greatest band ever?
Desmond: Oasis.
Daniel: Your mind’s from 1996! I can't help you in this time period. Go to Oxford and find me.
Desmond: Great! Then you can be absolutely no help in that time period too!

Desmond: You’re in a phone booth. You’ve been catatonic, drooling on the receiver and hallucinating for fifteen minutes. Do you (A) seek medical help, or (B) do what your hallucination told you…

Desmond: Ah, Oxford! Wildest party town in England!
Daniel: Stupid tweed wearing kids, always getting up to shenanigans!
Desmond: You gotta be Daniel. Future you says I should mention Eloise and make you set your machine to some numbers.
Daniel: Wow. I'm convinced.

Desmond: You named a rat Eloise?
Daniel: She's a time traveling rat. By zapping her with EM radiation she can visit the future and learn to run this maze she's never seen before.
Desmond: Hold on, I don't understand... You named a rat Eloise?

Minkowski: So, you're Desmond, huh?
Desmond: Why?
Minkowski: Some chick keeps calling for you. We just let it ring.

Daniel: If you keep time jumping, your mind's gonna blow like a fuse and you'll die.
Desmond: How do we fix it?
Daniel: Find something you love in both times.
Desmond: Like Penny?
Daniel: Whatever. It’ll anchor your mind.
Desmond: Let me get this straight. My brain’s screwed up by radiation that makes me quantum leap to 2004 and I’m supposed to make myself better by, what? Thinking a happy thought?
Daniel: Well… yeah.
Desmond: What the heck are you, a Christian Scientist?!

Desmond: I have to contact Penny.
Minkowski: Our communications have been sabotaged.
Sayid: That's a wrinkle.
Minkowski: I can fix it.
Sayid: How convenient! That and the fact that a mysterious benefactor has unlocked the door!
Desmond: Your nose is bleeding, brother.
Minkowski: What’s wrong with me?
Sayid: In real life, low humidity. On TV? Brain damage and imminent death!

Auctioneer: Next up, Lot 2342, the journal of the Black Rock's first mate, being sold by Tovard Hanso. Do I hear 50p?
Widmore: Three hundred fifty thousand pounds.
Auctioneer: Whoa, dude! It's just some crummy old book!
Desmond: Can I talk to you?
Widmore: Why not? Let's go some place more appropriate...

Desmond: A men's room? While you're taking a piss?
Widmore: Ahhh...! Now, what can I do for you, Hume?
Desmond: What's Penny's new address?
Widmore: You think I'd give my daughter's address to somebody she never wants to see again? Penny doesn't want to see you so much that I'll give you her address so you can go see her and hear from her own lips how much she doesn't want to see you.
Desmond: Um... Thanks?

Sayid: I've fixed the transmitter but the power source will only hold out for a few minutes.
Desmond: Doesn't it run off the boat's generator?
Sayid: Don't question it too much. It's a plot device to create urgency.
Desmond: Like the plot device making me call Penny in the first place?
Sayid: Or the fact time shifting is killing you at all. We're hip deep in plot devices on this show. You'll see once your memory comes back. Hey, your nose is bleeding.
Desmond: I'm not worried. It can't progress from a nosebleed to death in just a few minutes, right?
Minkowski: *death rattle*
Desmond: Drat.

Penny: Desmond!
Desmond: Penny, I need your— Wait, are you celebrating Christmas all by yourself?
Penny: Yeah, I was about to play charades alone, then sing some carols…
Desmond: Wow, that makes me feel a lot less pathetic coming over and begging for your number! Talk to you in eight years!

Desmond: Hello, Penny?
Penny: Desmond?
Desmond: Love mush hearts island roses love.
Penny: Singing birds hearts island mush Charlie sob love.
Sayid: Battery’s dead.
Desmond: That’s okay. I talked to Penny, my memory’s back, all’s right with the world. Can we call that an episode?
Sayid: Not quite. Check out what Daniel’s book says!
Daniel’s Notebook: “If anything goes wrong, Desmond Hume will be my constant.”
Desmond: Does that mean he’s in love with me?!?