“The Constant”

Season 4, Episode 5


Frank: You guys read the small print on your helicopter tickets, right?
Sayid: “Possible side effects of leaving the island include mild inflammation, itching, nausa, decreased ability to fight infection, ominous nosebleeds, dementia and death.”
Desmond: They just put that so they don’t get sued. Hey, I think you’re one degree off Daniel’s course.
Frank: Whoops.
Desmond: Huh. My brain feels tingly…

Drill Sergeant: Does anyone have anything they’d rather be doing than marching up and down the square?!
Desmond: Actually, sir, I have a helicopter hallucination I’d like to get back to…
Drill Sergeant: Who do you think I am, the drill sergeant from Monty Python?
Desmond: Only when I have my eyes open and when you talk, sir.
Drill Sergeant: Drop and give me fifty, you maggot!

Frank: We’re here.
Desmond: Who are all you?!
Sayid: I’m the show’s token Arab and these are some people you’ve never met.
Desmond: What am I doing here, I was just in the army!
Sayid: I see you’re the token lunatic this week.

Doctor: Welcome to sickbay. I’m your doctor, you’ll be perfectly safe with me.
Desmond: Can I get a second opinion on that?
Minkowski: I’m going through the same thing.
Desmond: Thank God! At least the strapped down crazy guy with the bulging eyes understands me!

Jack: It’s been a day and the helicopter hasn’t reached the boat.
Daniel: Have you set your clocks for Daylight Savings?

Frank: I’ll trade you my walkie talkie for your gun.
Sayid: Throw in a Nolan Ryan rookie card and you got a deal.
Daniel (over phone): Hello?
Sayid: Flying out made Desmond more batty than usual.
Daniel: Let me talk to him! Batty is my specialty!

Soldier: Thanks for the twenty mile run in the rain, Hume. I got struck by lightning five times!
Desmond (into phone): Penny, something weird’s happening, I have to see you.
Penny (over phone): I’m moving, I hate you, I hope you die!
Desmond: So when can I drop by?

Desmond: Penny? Aaaannd… I’m in the future again.
Sayid: Don’t worry, I’m here to save you. I’ll lock them out.
Daniel (over phone): Hey, man. What's the greatest band ever?
Desmond: Oasis.
Daniel: Your mind’s from 1996! I can't help you in this time period. Go to Oxford and find me.
Desmond: Great! Then you can be absolutely no help in that time period too!

Desmond: You’re in a phone booth. You’ve been catatonic, drooling on the receiver and hallucinating for fifteen minutes. Do you (A) seek medical help, or (B) do what your hallucination told you…

Desmond: Ah, Oxford! Wildest party town in England!
Daniel: Stupid tweed wearing kids, always getting up to shenanigans!
Desmond: You gotta be Daniel. Future you says I should mention Eloise and make you set your machine to some numbers.
Daniel: Wow. I'm convinced.

Desmond: You named a rat Eloise?
Daniel: She's a time traveling rat. By zapping her with EM radiation she can visit the future and learn to run this maze she's never seen before.
Desmond: Hold on, I don't understand... You named a rat Eloise?

Minkowski: So, you're Desmond, huh?
Desmond: Why?
Minkowski: Some chick keeps calling for you. We just let it ring.

Daniel: If you keep time jumping, your mind's gonna blow like a fuse and you'll die.
Desmond: How do we fix it?
Daniel: Find something you love in both times.
Desmond: Like Penny?
Daniel: Whatever. It’ll anchor your mind.
Desmond: Let me get this straight. My brain’s screwed up by radiation that makes me quantum leap to 2004 and I’m supposed to make myself better by, what? Thinking a happy thought?
Daniel: Well… yeah.
Desmond: What the heck are you, a Christian Scientist?!

Desmond: I have to contact Penny.
Minkowski: Our communications have been sabotaged.
Sayid: That's a wrinkle.
Minkowski: I can fix it.
Sayid: How convenient! That and the fact that a mysterious benefactor has unlocked the door!
Desmond: Your nose is bleeding, brother.
Minkowski: What’s wrong with me?
Sayid: In real life, low humidity. On TV? Brain damage and imminent death!

Auctioneer: Next up, Lot 2342, the journal of the Black Rock's first mate, being sold by Tovard Hanso. Do I hear 50p?
Widmore: Three hundred fifty thousand pounds.
Auctioneer: Whoa, dude! It's just some crummy old book!
Desmond: Can I talk to you?
Widmore: Why not? Let's go some place more appropriate...

Desmond: A men's room? While you're taking a piss?
Widmore: Ahhh...! Now, what can I do for you, Hume?
Desmond: What's Penny's new address?
Widmore: You think I'd give my daughter's address to somebody she never wants to see again? Penny doesn't want to see you so much that I'll give you her address so you can go see her and hear from her own lips how much she doesn't want to see you.
Desmond: Um... Thanks?

Sayid: I've fixed the transmitter but the power source will only hold out for a few minutes.
Desmond: Doesn't it run off the boat's generator?
Sayid: Don't question it too much. It's a plot device to create urgency.
Desmond: Like the plot device making me call Penny in the first place?
Sayid: Or the fact time shifting is killing you at all. We're hip deep in plot devices on this show. You'll see once your memory comes back. Hey, your nose is bleeding.
Desmond: I'm not worried. It can't progress from a nosebleed to death in just a few minutes, right?
Minkowski: *death rattle*
Desmond: Drat.

Penny: Desmond!
Desmond: Penny, I need your— Wait, are you celebrating Christmas all by yourself?
Penny: Yeah, I was about to play charades alone, then sing some carols…
Desmond: Wow, that makes me feel a lot less pathetic coming over and begging for your number! Talk to you in eight years!

Desmond: Hello, Penny?
Penny: Desmond?
Desmond: Love mush hearts island roses love.
Penny: Singing birds hearts island mush Charlie sob love.
Sayid: Battery’s dead.
Desmond: That’s okay. I talked to Penny, my memory’s back, all’s right with the world. Can we call that an episode?
Sayid: Not quite. Check out what Daniel’s book says!
Daniel’s Notebook: “If anything goes wrong, Desmond Hume will be my constant.”
Desmond: Does that mean he’s in love with me?!?