5ML Rerun: "Pilot, Part 1"

Season 1, Episode 1


Jack: Huh. Flat on my back, dazed, injured, surrounded by bamboo, pockets full of airplane liquor and a dog's staring at me. That’s the last time I go drinking with my dad.
Vincent: Hi, I realize you don’t speak Dog but I’ve figured out all the island’s secrets!
Jack: Maybe there’s somebody else over there.
Vincent: So long, then. Oh well, seems like a smart guy. He’ll probably have it figured out in half the time!

Jack: Okay, guys. We survived a plane crash. Next to that, standing on a beach should be pretty safe.
Charlie: I'm going to stroll through a shower of flaming debris.
Hurley & Claire: We're going to sit under a collapsing wing.
Random Passenger: I'm going to stand in front of the engine. Ahhhh! *splat*
Boone: All I did was collect seventy-five pens. I'm the smart one!

Jack: Help me stitch up this gruesome gash.
Kate: I can't!
Jack: When I'm paralyzed with fear, I count to five.
Kate: Whatever works best for you, I guess. Personally, I kill people.

Cindy: How was your drink?
Jack: Weak. If I flirt with you to get more booze, does it make me a slut?
Rose: I'm scared of turbulence.
Jack: I'll take care of you until Bernard gets back from the bathroom. Not like he’ll be gone for a month, or something.
Pilot: This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and return your tray tables to the upright and locked position, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!

Kate: How’s Javert doing?
Jack: What did you call him?
Kate: Nothing. How’s he doing?
Jack: If I pull the shrapnel out of his side, he'll bleed to death. If I leave it in, he'll die of gangrene.
Kate: So, basically, he needs to start counting to five.
Jack: Pretty much.

Monster in Forest: Fee Fi Fo Fum!
Kate: Sounds scary!
Charlie: Sounds like a T-Rex had kids with a teletype machine!

Kate: There’s smoke down there, through the valley.
Jack: If it’s the cockpit, we can find the transmitter doohickey and call for help!
Kate: I’m coming with you!
Jack: Just give me a sec. I want to savor this moment.
Kate: Why?
Jack: It’s the first totally pointless thing we’ll do to try to get rescued.
Charlie: I’ll come with you guys! I make everything more pointless!

Charlie: I was in a band called Drive Shaft.
Kate: I’ve vaguely heard of you!
Charlie: Yeah, I played bass and sang back-up vocals.
Kate: In that case, I may have vaguely heard of you!

Kate: Great! We climbed up this whole plane full of corpses and the cockpit door is locked!
Jack: It’s a well established fact that you can break open a door with a fire extinguisher. Even if there’s no doorknob and it’s a little, tiny fire extinguisher.

Kate: What were you doing in the bathroom?
Charlie: What do you mean?
Kate: I mean, what were you doing?
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Kate: My question makes perfect sense!
Charlie: Um… No hablo inglés?

Pilot: When we crashed we were, like, a billion miles off course. But we have this radio gizmo.
Monster: Fee fi fo fum…
Pilot: Better let me check that out!
Kate: That’s not such a good idea.
Pilot: They can’t kill me off. The episode’s named after me.
Charlie: I hate to tell you this but all first episodes are called—
Pilot: AHHHHHH!
Charlie: Never mind.

Jack: I got the thingamajig. Run away!
Charlie: I tripped!
Jack: I’ll save you!
Kate: I’m really freaking out here! Maybe I should kill someone. Crap, I’m alone! Guess Jack’s thing’s worth a shot. One… two… three…

Charlie: Jack saved me.
Kate: Where is he?
Charlie: Darn it, we have to go back, don’t we?
Jack: Here I am! I escaped by hiding in the bushes! In, you know, a manly way!
Charlie: What’s that in the tree?
Jack: The pilot.
Pilot: I’m really, really, really, really dead. No, I mean REALLY dead. Take a minute to appreciate how screwed you guys are!