“Confirmed Dead”

Season 4, Episode 2


Diver #1 (sings): I like to be under the sea, in an octopus’s garden in the shade…
Diver #2: Dude, what did I tell you about that?
Diver #1: It’s annoying?
Diver #2: Then shut up!
Diver #1: Whoa, a plane! Based on no hard evidence whatsoever, it must be Oceanic 815!

Frank: The chopper’s going down! Bail out!
Daniel: Ahhhh! Please don’t die, please don’t die! Whew, made it!
Jack: Hi.
Daniel: You Jack?
Jack: Yep. I don’t wanna be critical but you people suck at flying helicopters!

Daniel: Hi I’m Daniel Faraday I’m from the boat we’re here to rescue you and I need Naomi’s phone to find my friends oh you noticed my gun well I admit it saving you’s not the main reason we’re here why are you interrogating me like this?!?!?!
Jack: Ummm… Here’s the phone?

TV News: Everyone on Oceanic 815 is dead.
Daniel: *Sob* Oh God, no! *sob*
Daniel’s Wife: Cry baby.

Sayid: Why does Ben say the boat people want to kill us?
Juliet: He’s either messing with us or it’s true. Either way, guns should solve the problem.

Jack: Hey, are you all right?
Miles: Freeze! Naomi doesn’t have a sister. You must have killed her.
Kate: We didn’t, it was Locke.
Miles: Take me to her body, I’ll know the truth.
Kate: What are you, psychic or something? On second thought, forget I asked…

Radio DJ: So, those airplane passengers? They’re dead!
Miles: Hi, I’m here about the exorcism. A hundred bucks cash, please.
Woman: I’ll get my wallet. (Sings to self) When there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?
Miles: Ghostbusters joke. How original. Just for that, it’s TWO hundred bucks!

Miles: Tell me where the money is so your mom can have some peace.
Ghost: Over there.
Miles (pockets cash): Psyche! There’s a sucker killed every minute!

Miles: They’re telling the truth.
Kate: So you really are psychic, huh? Like in Medium? Or more like Tru Calling? Or is it more like The Dead Zone? Or is it more like… Gee, you’re a giant TV cliché, aren’t ya?
Daniel: Charlotte’s signal! Let’s find her.
Jack: Nah. I’d rather turn the tables on you like a total badass.
Sayid & Juliet: Freeze!
Kate: I feel strange.
Jack: You’re feeling a sudden urge to jump my bones. Wait till we’re rescued, please.

Locke: Detour! We gotta stop by the cabin.
Hurley: Cabin’s that way.
Locke & Ben: What?!
Hurley: I mean… I thought you meant the airplane cabin. Actually, did you say cabin? I thought you said beach. And the beach isn’t even that way.
Sawyer: Locke, who tells you to do this stuff?
Locke: He looks kinda like Walt, but he’s seven feet tall and shaves.

Ben: Hey Sawyer! Yo’ momma!
Sawyer: Don’t! Talk! About! My! Momma!
Ben: Ow! Ouch! Oof! Ahh! Eee!
Locke: Stop it, Sawyer.
Sawyer: We should kill him.
Ben: Hey Karl! Yo’ momma!
Locke: Don’t even think about it, Karl.

Charlotte: Why is there a lake on the ceiling? Oh. Crap. Where’s that knife?

Newspaper: Tous les passengers d’Oceanic 815 sont morts !
Tunisian: Sorry, access to this dig site is restricted. We take bribes in check, money order and all major credit cards.
Charlotte’s Guide: Is that a dinosaur?
Charlotte: Nope, just your garden variety teleporting Dharma polar bear!

Charlotte: This phone will help the boat find you.
Locke: Then I’ll tie it to Vincent.
Hurley: Does this mean Vincent’s gonna be one of the Oceanic Six?

Ben: Hey Charlotte! Yo’ momma! I mean, die!
Gun: Bang, bang, bang.
Locke: You murdered an innocent woman!
Ben: Ow, ouch, ahh! Pot calling the kettle black, much?
Karl: Sorry I let him take my gun.
Sawyer: Don’t worry about it. You’re kinda the new Charlie.
Charlotte: I’m okay!
Hurley: Why’re you wearing a bullet proof vest?
Charlotte: You've seen the way we fly helicopters. Tip of the iceberg. I need all the protection I can get.

Frank: Wow, my best landing yet! I can almost stand. Must’a hit my head, though, ’cause I think I see a cow.
Cow: Moo.

TV News: Hey mon! Everybody on Oceanic 815 be dead!
Operator: Oceanic hotline.
Frank: Hi, I was supposed to pilot 815. That body on the news isn’t the Pilot ’cause he isn’t wearing a wedding ring!
Operator: He probably ditched it to get in the flight attendant’s pants.

Miles: Where’s the wreck?
Frank: I set down in one piece.
Jack: In that case, forget all the gun pointing and give us a ride, would ya? Huh? Buddy? Pal?

Naomi: A lunatic, a psychic, a scientist, a drunk pilot and me. Weird group!
Abaddon: I was gonna try to sell you guys to ABC as a sit-com before the writers’ strike happened. Now I’ll have to send you to some island.
Naomi: They won’t cut it.
Abaddon: You’re the linchpin. So be sure not to get stabbed by a knife-wielding survivor of 815.
Naomi: There are survivors?
Abaddon: No.
Naomi: Then that should be easy!

Frank: Thanks for fixing my head, Miss—?
Juliet: Juliet Burke.
Frank: I read the manifest a thousand times in a guilty, drunken stupor. She’s not on it.
Miles: Your memory sounds reliable. Okay, lady, where’s Ben Linus?

Locke: Sawyer, you’re right. We’ll kill Ben.
Ben: I know things.
Locke: The monster?
Ben: No clue. But this lady’s name is Charlotte Lewis, she was born on a Tuesday, her first pet was a goldfish named Jaws, and she lost her virginity to a hobo!
Locke: How do you know all that?
Ben: I’ve got a man on her boat. Handsome black guy. Good at building things. Super dedicated dad. But, heck, we’ll get to all that next week!