“The Economist”

Season 4, Episode 3


Sayid: Rest in peace, Naomi. Nice bracelet! And, hey, it’s engraved.
Bracelet: N, Big Brother is watching you. R.G.
Sayid: R.G. sounds sinister and evil but he sure knows how to accessorize!
Miles: We have to rescue Charlotte from Locke.
Sayid: What do I get if I can get her back?
Frank: How about an all expenses paid trip to a beautiful tropical island?
Sayid: I’ll take what’s behind door number two.

Sayid: This week we’ll be seeing a gentler, easy-going Sayid. I’ll start with some golf.
Avellino: I’d use a 5-iron for this shot.
Sayid: I was thinking more of a 9-millimeter.
Gun: Bang.
Avellino: *death rattle*
Sayid: Oops. Guess gentle and easy-going just wasn’t me!

Sayid: Hello, totally random German chick. How do I get to some tourist place?
Elsa: That way. By the way, I have a mysterious boss who jets into town twice a year.
Sayid: How totally coincidental that we met! Wanna date?

Mysterious Voice (over phone): You know you want to say it.
Sayid: Okay. “I've made contact.” You're right, that was pretty satisfying.
Mysterious Voice: It's a cliché for a reason!

Sawyer: Okay, so we can’t kill Ben, I get it. Can I at least cut off a toe?
Locke: No.
Sawyer: Come on! Just his little toe?
Locke: No. Huh. This clearing seems emptier than the last time.
Hurley: Maybe you got lost. Just as long as we’re clear I have no idea where the cabin really is.

Jack: I’ll help you talk some sense into Locke.
Sayid: Last time you talked sense to Locke you tried to blow his head off.
Jack: What’s your point?

Jack: Sayid’s going on a dangerous mission and insisting I stay behind!
Kate: Now you know how I felt all through season three.
Jack: And you just went anyway! Do I have to spell it out for you?
Kate: Well, okay. I’ll get my pack.

Elsa: Screw work. Let’s go to the opera without my creepy boss’s pager.
Sayid: I’ll bring it.
Elsa: It’s so nice to meet a man who respects my career!

Miles: Great! Hiked all the way to the Barracks and there’s no sign of them.
Kate: Is somebody in the closet?
Sayid: My money’s on Sawyer. He’s over-compensating.
Kate: No, that closet.
Sayid: Oh.
Hurley: Hey dudes, Locke left me behind but conveniently mentioned he’s going to Ben’s.
Kate: That really is convenient, thanks Hurley!
Hurley: So, Miles, you here to kill us all or what?
Miles: Not unless you make me mad.
Hurley: Swell!

Desmond: Be straight with me. You’ve never seen the woman in this photo have you?
Frank: You think a stud like me can remember every chick?
Daniel (into radio): I’ve set up the homing device. Fire the drone.
Regina (over radio): 15 seconds… 10 seconds… 5 seconds… It’s there.
Daniel: Um… No, it’s not.
Jack: That was pointless. Exactly the kind of scene we can’t afford with the shortened season. Get it together, man.
Daniel: Sorry.

Kate: Looks like nobody’s in Ben’s house!
Sayid: Split up. Hey, what’s this… A secret room in Ben’s bedroom. Gay porn, leather and dildos? Oh, thank God, just passports and money.
Locke: Freeze!
Hurley: Sorry.
Sayid: Hurley, you traitor, I can’t believe you played me! … Nicely done!

Daniel: Check it out. The drone’s finally here.
Jack: The clocks don’t match.
Daniel: Stupid Chinese electronics! Next sinister mission we’re going Swiss!

Sawyer: I don’t want to get rescued! What do you have to go back for?
Kate: What do you have to stay for?
Sawyer: I thought we’d get married, have kids, a dog, picket fence, maybe a mini-van…
Kate: Excuse me while I puke.

Sayid: Great, I’m locked up with Ben.
Ben: Yo’ momma!
Sayid: Get a new joke.
Locke: Ice tea, anybody?
Sayid: The boat people are up to something. Give me Charlotte and I’ll find out what.
Locke: I’d trade her for a starting pitcher or a good short stop.
Sayid: I was thinking Miles and Kate.
Locke: Sold.

Pager: Beep, beep.
Elsa: Hello? Okay, boss, I’ll meet you there in half an hour. Bye.
Sayid: Elsa, run away! I was just using you to get to your boss, but I’ve fallen in love with you.
Elsa: Aw, that’s sweet. What is this, the Valentine’s Day episode?
Elsa’s Gun: Bang.
Sayid: Ahh!
Elsa: Hello? Boss, a guy’s after you. Scrub the meeting, I’ll question him.
Sayid’s Gun: Bang bang bang!
Elsa: Ahh! *death rattle*
Sayid: Oh God, what have I done! Hey, same weird bracelet as Naomi. Guess even evil people aren’t immune to fads.

Sayid: Okay, I got Charlotte. Let’s go!
Frank: You traded Miles to get her?! Did you really think I’d fly you to the boat just because I technically promised.
Sayid: I guess it was a pretty stupid plan…
Frank: I’m just messing with you. I hate that guy. Hop in, I’ll drive.
Desmond: Shotgun!
Sayid: You coming, Jack?
Jack: Nah, take Naomi’s body. You got this one. For some reason I completely trust you with this even though I logically should know you lied about Kate deciding to stay with Locke since she only went with you because I sent her.
Sayid: Wow, this plan worked against mind-boggling odds. Well, bye.

Mysterious Voice: Hi Sayid. Welcome to my veterinary clinic. After we take care of that bullet, you want me to check for worms, shampoo for fleas, anything like that?
Sayid: No thanks… Ben!
Ben: *Gasp* !
Sayid: Why’d you gasp?
Ben: It was revealed so dramatically even I was shocked!
Sayid: I can’t keep killing them. They know I’m after them.
Ben: GOOD.
Sayid: …why?
Ben: How should I know? I guess it’s just cooler now.
Sayid: But they know I’m coming!
Ben: You’re right, that is bad. Bad ASS!
Sayid: Just shut up. The episode’s over.
Ben: Yo’ momma.